After the summer of 2014, twenty-three-year-old me watched my C cup breasts disappear into barely A’s. I had failed my then dreams and was punishing my first world problem with a first world solution: guilt, specifically guilting myself into not eating. I didn’t think I deserved to eat because I had failed at a nightmare […]
Read moreHow My First Bra Karma Came Back to Haunt Me
As an awkward and prepubescent 12-year-old, I dreaded recess. It was the time when all the girls would pile into the bathroom to apply their glossy lip smacker and broadcast their beautifully bowed bras. Me, I had one of those handsome Fruit of The Loom tanks. UGH!!!! My mom and I had to talk! It […]
Read moreThe Best Way to Deal with Nipple Hairs
My junior year of high school, a popular boy drove me home in his old VW Bug convertible. He took off his shirt as I got in the passenger seat, announcing that his car was topless and all riders must also be topless. I giggled nervously and rolled my eyes. As we sped down 7th […]
Read moreMy Dad's Favorite Story
It was winter break of my freshmen year of high school when my dad decided to reroute our annual Disney World trip. I think he felt he had sat in enough teacups and was ready for something different. After all, he had two kids in high school and thought it was time to try somewhere […]
Read moreIntroducing My Boobs: Burlesque Style!
Once upon a time, naked photos could end careers. “Compromising positions” were the stuff of blackmail. Up and coming performers knew better than to risk their integrity by allowing less-than-wholesome images of themselves to surface in public. So as a young, hopeful comedian in the 1980s, I believed my future would be over if anyone […]
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