new bras

My Boob Started Growing Lumps, So Now I Need New Bras

My boobs have always been my favorite thing about myself (sometimes tied with my hair). They’re a decent size, nearly symmetrical, and close enough to perky to satisfy me. Even when my skin sucked and my weight wasn’t what I wanted, I had my boobs. And then they let me down. At 31, I discovered […]

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my breasts

How My Breasts Got Even

It’s 3:00 am, and I’m waiting for this guy, Jeff maybe? No, Drew! No, that’s not right, let’s call him Shane, after Shane Chen, the inventor of the hoverboard. We’ll call him Shane because he left me with two cringe-worthy memories, one about my breasts, which is coming up shortly, and this one, which I […]

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disproportionate boobs

My Disproportionate Boobs Curse

When I was a child, I put a curse on my boobs. I was obsessed with breasts. I always wanted boobs. At the age of three, I would draw flat, one-dimensional, naked bodies of women and their boobies. You’d think I was trying to be Picasso or something though. For a girl obsessed with uniformity […]

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