I have big boobs. I have big boobs, and I am 4’10. The growth of my big boobs was steady as a pre-teen. And then when high school hit they grew at a fast and furious pace, leaving me in that weird stage of, “Wait, what are these for?” or “Oh, this is definitely going to affect me for the rest of my life,“ or, “owwwwww!”

Did I mention I have big boobs? The thing about being a little lady with big boobs is that there is a common misconception that you can say things to me about them or you can comment on them. The men I have dated in the past can’t get over the boobs that I carry on my body. And even though I try to steer the conversation away, it’s a topic of discussion that is somehow always forced upon me. It’s a cause for confusion. How did such a petite woman grow such big boobs? Genetics.

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So because sometimes dudes can be particularly stupid, I have compiled a list of the most fetishizing things men have said to me about---wait for it---my boobs.

1. “Wow, I can't believe you are that big, you could tip over! Have you ever tipped over?!"

As much as I want to say, “Shut up,” I have to admit that this is kinda true. The weight of my boobs makes me lean forward and one day soon or maybe never I might tip over. But I don’t need you to tell me, what I already know.

2. “My last girlfriend didn't have big breasts.”

Okay, I already know. I know it’s true. Do you know how I know? I’ve stalked her on Facebook, I’ve done my research! Also, calm down.

3. “Do they hurt when I squeeze.” *squeeze*

Um, yessssss.

4. “I would hold them all the time if I had them.”

I do hold them all the time. My breasts are the most convenient Teddy Bear. They are always warm and sometimes when I’m desperate, I use them as a chin rest. Come at me, bro!

5. “You should try a push-up bra; it would look so hot.”

Haha. Hard pass. If I wear a push-up bra, I’ll smack myself in the face.

6. “I bet you can’t play sports because of those.”

No, sir. I CHOOSE not to play sports. Sports are the worst.

7. “I’m so lucky that you have those.”

Are you?

8. “Do they ever pop out?”

They're popping out right now. I just haven’t been able to take a break from this conversation to fix them. Also, I hate you.

Our busty mammary glands are a blessing and a curse. They can make us feel beautiful whereas fetishism and sexist comments make us feel gross and uncomfortable. Imagine a world where we could look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks." Imagine a world that when someone is lucky enough to see or touch or admire them, and they do the one thing they should always do: keep their comments to themselves.

All illustrations Becca Beberaggi